I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
