having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
