shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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