he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
