you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
