I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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