hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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