He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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