Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
