dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
