Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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