i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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