He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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