yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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