Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
this will be a night to untag.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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