note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
