just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
