Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
