so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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