Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
