Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
