We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
