RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
