I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
