i think my mom watched the whole time
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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