dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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