I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
