my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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