The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
