You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
