i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
