I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
