Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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