We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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