Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
