And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
420 ftw
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
