i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you never un-have a 4some
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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