where am i from again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
