We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.