I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it