Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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