The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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