I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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