im drinking this country out of the recession.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize