I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
