So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
