I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
