Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
