bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When are your genitals available?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
