I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
