I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
