Ambien. No doubt about it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
