She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
