I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
