please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
