i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
