Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My feet surprised me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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