Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
