My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
