Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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