If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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